


Choices

by badgerBoyMay



Series: The Houlihawk Collection [3]
Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Army, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Getting Together, Korean War, Out of Character, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:08:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29510853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badgerBoyMay/pseuds/badgerBoyMay
Summary: Hawkeye realizes that he wants to show more of his feelings after Millie Carpenters death. He decides it's time to talk to Margaret about the emotions he has since the abandoned hut.This is slightly out of character again.Don't expect much plot.DISCLAIMER: Mash is not mine so aren't the characters. This is for fun and I don't make any money!
Relationships: Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Series: The Houlihawk Collection [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956811
Kudos: 3





	Choices

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry that this is out of character/without much plot again xD I just needed to cope with depression and have some Houlihawk fluff.  
> Anyway have fun :,)

"Hawk, what is troubling you so much?", BJ finally asked him. Hawkeye had been a lot quieter than usually since they had had the service for the late Millie Carpenter nearly a week ago.

Hawkeye looked up from his letter, "what?", he replied.

"What's going on with you? I know the mood in camp isn't that great at the moment but I don't believe you're so torn up about Millie."

Hawkeye turned his face away from him, "no it's not about her. Maybe in some way but not directly."

"So what is it then? I won't continue watching you be so dejected.", BJ said.

The Mainer sighed, "do you remember what I said in the funeral speech? That I want to try showing more emotion?"

BJ nodded, showing him to go on.

"Well.. this thought keeps me up. Since that moment I catch myself thinking of  _ her  _ more. What could have been if we tried, if I wasn't so scared of actual relationships." Hawkeye said.

BJ tried to follow him, not quite sure who he was talking about.

"I mean, I've kissed most of the nurses in camp at least once. I slept with some of them. But with  _ her  _ it was.. different."

Again BJ nodded, still trying to make sense of it.

"You know, the one time I did sleep with her wasn't bad. Not at all. It was great to be honest, maybe because we were both high on adrenaline… but I don't regret it. I feel like our friendship grew because of the things that happened, but.. as I said, sometimes I do ask myself how it would feel like if we had tried. I never had these thoughts about any of the other nurses.."

Now BJ understood, "Hawkeye, is this about your feelings for Margaret?", he made sure.

Hawkeye turned to him again, "I don't love her! ..or do I?", he looked unsure.

"Shouldn't  _ you _ know that, buddy?", BJ asked.

Hawkeye nodded, a weak attempt. "I don't know what my feelings for her are. I know I respect her, as a person and a nurse, I like her commitment with the patients.", now he started smiling, "I like her smile. When she's happy in general, the few moments when she actually jokes around. I like that side of her."

"Hawkeye?", BJ asked.

"Huh?"

"You're grinning like a fool in love."

The Mainer seemed surprised about himself, "I am?"

"I think maybe you do have some feelings for her."

"And now we are back at the main problem again.", Hawkeye sighed.

BJ kept silent for a short while, watching his friend until he said: "Hawkeye, talk to her."

"I don't wanna ruin our friendship. We already talked about  _ "us"  _ and agreed that we would never work.", the dark haired doctor said.

"And you think it's better to just push it back inside? Hawkeye, you said you wanted to show more feelings. Do it then. Act. Tell her."

Hawkeye sighed and stood up, "I will regret this.", he said before leaving.

The way across the compound seemed like an eternity to him. Hawkeye felt how nervous he was. What should he say? How should he explain himself? Unsure he stopped in front of Margaret's tent and knocked.

"Yes?", her voice was heard from inside.

"Margaret? It's me, Hawk. Can I talk to you?", he asked, probably sounding not as confident as usual.

Margaret opened the door, looking surprised about his vulnerable sound of voice.

"Of course, please come in.", she let him inside. "What is wrong, Hawkeye?", Margaret asked.

"Can we sit down?"

"Sure?", she raised a brow and guestered for him to sit down on one of the chairs.

"Remember how I said I wanted to show more of my feelings?", he asked.

Of course Margaret remembered his emotional speech for Millie Carpenter. She gave a nod.

"Yeah- I figured I should keep to that and start talking about it."

"And how does this affect me?", she asked him.

"I can't forget about the night we spent in that abandoned hut together.", Hawkeye said, watching her for a reaction.

Margaret blinked in wonder, "Really?"

"I know that we agreed that there wasn't anything between us and that we would never work but.. I do think there  _ was  _ something. There  _ is  _ something- at least for me.", he said calmly.

"Hawkeye-", Margaret stammert. She wasn't really prepared for something like this from him.

"Please don't feel pressured now. I.. don't expect you to see the situation like I do. It's just.. I needed to talk about this I guess."

She had thought about this as well. More than once actually. What it would have been like with him. She knew there had been something between them that night.

"I agree with you. There was something."

Hawkeye looked at her again, not sure what to say.

Margaret went on: "And you're here now because you want what exactly? Do you want sex?", she asked him.

Hawkeye shook his head immediately.

"No, this is not about sex."

"What about it then?"

"I think I fell for you.", Hawkeye finally admitted.

Margaret needed a second to process that. "You  _ think? _ "

"I want to be honest, I don't know if this is love. I know that I haven't felt about a woman that way for a long time. I know that I ask myself what a relationship between us would look like. I know that I really want to try for once in my life."

"I've asked that myself too.", Margaret told him.

"Huh?"

"A relationship between us. A real one. If we could make it work. What it would feel like. If you'd be just as all the other guys."

"So..do you want to try?", he asked her. No sign of a joke or a witty remark on his lips.

"Do you think it is a good idea?", Margaret seemed kinda sad. She was a bit afraid of getting hurt again.

"Yes I think so. Think you can handle me?", now he gave her a smile.

Margaret laughed at that, "I believe I can, mister."

"So is that a yes then?"

Margaret watched him sitting there, hope in his pretty blue eyes, waiting for her to answer his question and she thought- why not? Why shouldn't they try?

"Alright. Let's try.", she smiled.

Hawkeye gave her a bright smile, Margaret had to admit how cute he looked like that.

"We need to make some things clear tho.", she added.

The Mainer nodded, waiting.

"Are we doing this in public?", she asked. Margaret was tired of hiding relationships.

"I don't want to keep it a secret if you mean that. I'd like to be honest about it."

She smiled and nodded, "good, also if we do break up, we can't hate each other, we are working together so I'd like to end it friendly if we do."

Hawkeye agreed.

"And I need you to promise me something if you really mean what you just said."

"Yes?", he replied.

"Don't cheat on me.", she said but it sounded like a question.

Hawkeye seemed slightly surprised, "you think I would do that to you after what Donald did?"

"I'm just making sure.."

The older stood up and walked the one step over to her, pulling her into a hug.

"Margaret I would never. God knows I'm against any form of violence but I still want to punch his lights out for what he did to you.", he said.

"You mean that?", Margaret asked.

"Yes I do."

"It's cute, really but he would probably win the fight..", she said.

Hawkeye smiled, "I know that, doesn't mean I don't want him to pay for his behaviour."

"He's gone and that's good.", she put her head on his shoulder.

"Margaret?"

"Yes?", the nurse looked up at him again.

"May I kiss you?"

"Since when do you ask for that?", she chuckled.

Hawkeye blushed slightly. "Well- I thought-"

"Yes you're allowed to."

The Mainer grinned and put his hand under her chin, guiding her up to him.

Margaret laid her arms around his neck while Hawkeye shifted his hand into her hair. The kiss was soft and loving, not as fierce and passionate as she was used to from him. She did like that for a change.

"I could get used to this.", Margaret said, out of breath.

"Please do.", Hawkeye replied before kissing her again.

Both of them were smiling after breaking the kiss.

"Margaret, can I ask a favour?", Hawkeye then said.

"What is it?"

"I really wanna do this right and I haven't had a real relationship since I was in med school so, if I do anything wrong please tell me and help me to do better? I want to be the best I can for you.", he admitted.

Margaret was touched by that, "of course I'll tell you but I believe you'll do just fine."

The next days were quiet, no casualties were coming in for a change. Margaret and Hawkeye tried to take their new relationship slowly and they both seemed to enjoy it.

BJ grinned while sitting at lunch with the gang. He felt genuinely happy for his best friend. They had been the camp's hottest topic for a day until everyone was not interested anymore. No one had been surprised about them ending up together. Hawkeye was also sure he had seen some dollars changing the owner.

They had been together for a week when Margaret asked him if he wanted to stay at her tent for the night the first time. Of course he accepted.

Hawkeye was proud and amazed that he didn't feel like wanting sex at all costs. He was happy just spending time with Margaret.

They were sitting on her bed, drinking a bottle of wine, talking about things that made them happy and just enjoyed the time together.

At some point Margaret asked him "so, do you just want to sleep tonight or..?"

Hawkeye got the hint.

"I didn't want to rush that topic if you think it's too early then we don't have to."

" _ Hawkeye _ ,  _ do you want?" _ , she asked again.

"Of course I want you.", he replied.

She smiled at him and put their wine glasses away, then sitting down again in front of Hawkeye.

"May I?", she asked and he nodded.

Margaret put her hand under his shirt, letting it rest on his chest for a moment. He wasn't as muscular as Donald but still not that bad either.

she pulled the shirt over his head, throwing it to his jacket.

"It's unfair if you stay fully clothed.", he said with a small grin.

"Well then help me be fair."

It didn't take them long to be just in their underwear and even shorter to end up making out.

Hawkeye felt like he was flying, this was something completely different. This wasn't sex because he needed it, rough and fast, no it was slow and tender at first and so so much better.

It was when he was close that he said the three little words with the big meaning behind them for the first time ever towards Margaret.

"I love you, Maggie.", he spoke at her neck. "I love you, I love you,  _ I love you!",  _ Hawkeye repeated.

Margaret smiled at him so very affectionate while replying "I love you too."

They finished together, collapsing into each other's arms.

After a short while of recovery, Hawkeye said: "That was amazing."

"It sure was.", Margaret replied without lifting her head up from his chest.

"I'm looking forward to the next time,  _ Major _ ."

"Me too,  _ Captain _ .", she joined in on the joking. They stayed silent for a while until the Mainer said: "you know I meant it, I love you. This has to be love."

"You can be quite adorable.", she chuckled. "But I do love you too, Hawk. I feel kind of stupid that it has taken us so long to end up together. I could have saved myself the Donald drama if I had just looked for a relationship right in front of me."

"Well without Donald being a dick you would still be married to him and we wouldn't be here."

"I'm glad we are here.", she set a kiss to his jawline.

"You know, the chief surgeon and the head nurse together? The other camps will talk.", he laughed.

Margaret also laughed, "They can talk as much as they want."

"Maggie I think I'm not good for you, you're being more and more soft and human."

"Yes you are a terrible influence.", she joked around, "I love you anyway."

"I love you just as much, honey.", he said.

Margaret pulled up the blanket and threw it over the two of them, "good night, love.", she said.

"Good night.", Hawkeye smiled. And for the first time in over two years he had a peaceful sleep.


End file.
